


Be a Man

by beggar_always



Series: Breathing On His Own [3]
Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Meme, Pre-Canon, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-22
Updated: 2010-08-22
Packaged: 2017-10-11 05:04:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beggar_always/pseuds/beggar_always
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a Music/Fic Meme; Ten connected Buzz-centric drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be a Man

**Author's Note:**

> The rules of the meme:   
> _1\. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.  
> 2\. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.  
> 3\. Write a drabble/ficlet related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!  
> 4\. Do ten of these, then post them._
> 
> All of these drabbles are connected and all of them take place within the [Breathing On His Own](http://archiveofourown.org/series/1172) 'verse. My Buzz is a manslut and therefore there's Buzz/Carlton, Buzz/Francine, Buzz/OMCs and maybe a hint of Buzz/Shawn (okay...it was going to be more than a hint...but the song ran out...). Also some discussion of Shawn/Carlton. Section titles are taken from the songs that served as inspiration.

****

\--Unbreak My Heart--

He'd loved a man once. Not just in the carnal sense, either. Buzz had met him just outside of high school while he was working at the car wash, trying to decide what to do with his life.

Chase had been everything his mother had always told him he needed, his only fault being he was of the wrong gender. It wasn't incredibly hard for Buzz to overlook that fact. Especially when he and Chase began sleeping together. It'd been an amazing three months before Chase had left for college. He never called; didn't write.

It took a month for Buzz to realize Chase had never felt the same. It was the first time anyone had made him cry. He told his parents he was sick and got away with not eating for a couple of days. When he was over it, he didn't even know he'd vowed to himself to never let it happen again.

****

\--Be a Man--

He was fifteen when he first realized he liked kissing boys just as much as girls. He didn't find anything particularly odd about it, but he knew it wouldn't be something his parents would want to find out about, so he kept it to himself.

Throughout school he dated girls and screwed boys. He didn't see anything wrong with it, but he thought it odd that the boys were starting to get pissed off and the girls were wanting more.

He was starting at the Academy when someone finally spoke up about his behavior. He'd been friends with Ben for years, one of the only guys he'd never tried to sleep with, and who knew fully what Buzz did in his free time.

"Man up, asshole," was how he'd put it. "I don't care who the hell you fuck, but stop fucking everyone over."

Buzz spent weeks trying to figure out what he'd meant. Eventually he gave up and found a new friend.

****

\--I Want You So Hard--

The guy was a bit older; not enough older for Buzz to really care. All it meant to Buzz, really, was that he was a better kisser than most of the guys he'd been with.

"I've heard I should stay away from you," the guy breathed into his mouth as Buzz pushed him back on the couch. The music from the party in the other room nearly drowned out his words.

"Why?" Buzz asked, not really caring as he sucked on the other man's neck. The man shifted and moaned, arms wrapping around Buzz.

"They called you a man slut." Buzz lifted his head with a frown about the time the door slammed open.

"Shawn!"

****

\--Say It Right--

The club was dark enough Buzz was confident even if someone they knew happened to show up, they'd never be able to recognize them. Still, Carlton seemed reluctant to even so much as stand close to him. It frustrated Buzz to no end. The man always kept a hand on him in private; never seemed to be able to go without touching him when they were alone. But put them in public and he was all distance and avoidance.

After yet another shot of vodka, Buzz decided he was sick of it. "Dance with me," he whispered huskily in Carlton's ear. Carlton looked at him with wide eyes, as if the mere suggestion was ludicrous. Buzz rolled his eyes and turned to the stranger on the other side of him.

"Wanna dance?" he asked. The young man looked him up and down before smiling slowly.

"Sure."

The stranger didn't mean anything to Buzz, just a means to satisfy a need Carlton wasn't fulfilling. It shouldn't have felt so much like cheating on a non-relationship.

****

\--Animal I Have Become--

Buzz knew, in the back of his mind, that what he was doing just wasn't right. It wasn't so much the part about having sex with men: he'd come to terms with that in high school. He just had this feeling that he was cheating someone.

Carlton was an amazing lay. He and Buzz had a way of understanding just the perfect ways to make each other moan. But sometimes he just felt he was getting a little too comfortable with the older man.

Shawn was never boring. Always willing to try what Buzz wanted. Though he'd been more distant since Buzz had let slip he was fooling around with Carlton as well. Like he was trying to tell Buzz what he was doing was wrong, without actually saying as much.

And now there was the girl at the gym. She didn't make him feel the same way Shawn did. Definitely didn't tempt him like Carlton. But she was just so much what his mother had always told him he needed.

Was it really so wrong for him to keep all three?

****

\--Whatta Man--

Buzz moaned as Carlton shoved him against the wall. Their lips fought for control as Buzz fumbled for Carlton's tie. Gripping the fabric, he turned them, pressing the detective into the wall. They were slowly twisting their way down the hall to the bedroom.

He'd missed the feel of the other man beneath him; the scent of his aftershave. Carlton groaned into his mouth as Buzz reached down to grope him through his dress pants.

Buzz let out a puff of air as Carlton flipped their positions again. Of all the people Buzz had been with, he wondered why this man was the one who'd always been the best at figuring out what he wanted. Hell, what he needed.

"You're getting married," Carlton whispered against his lips. Buzz finally managed to push him through the bedroom door.

"My issue." Carlton stared up at him from where he was suddenly sprawled on the bed.

"I don't want to hurt you," Carlton whispered. Buzz looked at him for a long moment. He didn't deserve Carlton and Carlton certainly deserved a lot better than him.

"You won't."

****

\--Own Worst Enemy--

Buzz saw the detective at the bar. A part of him ached to comfort the older man. He'd never claim to have loved him, he knew it'd never been that. But he had cared for Carlton. A part of him always would. And that part hated the way Carlton was working steadily toward alcohol poisoning.

But Buzz was at his own wedding. Being shoved into photo-op after photo-op with his new wife. He loved Francie, in a perfectly socially-acceptable way. He clung to her and looked on with interest as he saw Shawn approach the bar.

****

\--Happiness Is A Warm Gun--

Francine never missed much. Buzz often wondered why she'd never become the cop. She knew her way around the city in a way Buzz never could hope to. He loved that about her. But he hoped to god she never found out about this.

It was like a drug to him. Those feelings that Francie just didn't quite give him. It was easier when he was only engaged. Even Carlton could overlook that. Or at least he tried to a few times. But once they were married, it was harder and harder for Buzz to get his fix.

And then he met Aaron. Just a guy at the gym. Same gym he'd met Francie at, in fact. So convenient he already fit into his routine.

****

\--Pieces--

There were times when Buzz felt hopelessly lost. Every thing he'd ever done came back to haunt him. He should've told his parents he was bi in high school. He should have tried dating some of the boys he slept with before graduation. He should have understood Ben the first time. He should have let Carlton love him. He shouldn't have let Francie walk in on him and the guy from the gym.

Buzz stared across the bar at the two men in the corner booth. They were trying to be inconspicuous: beers held in front of them in manly grips, heads tilted in the direction of the game on TV. But Buzz saw the hand slip beneath the table. He recognized the way Carlton's eyes glazed over, the smirk Shawn had on his face. He realized, belatedly, he'd never really had either man.

****

\--And So It Goes--

Francie took him back. He had no clue why. A part of him thought he might have wished she hadn't. But they had a child together, and the last thing Buzz wanted to do was screw things up for his little girl.

They hardly spoke anymore. Buzz kept quiet to avoid the arguments. Their conversations whittled away to "Sarah needs more diapers" or "The water bill came today."

Buzz had left the decision up to Francine, and perhaps that was his mistake. Sometimes he thought they both may've been happier if the marriage had ended. Their lives wouldn't have seemed like such an act. He could've had his little flings; she could have found a man better for her. It wasn't like children weren't raised by divorced parents all the time.

He made eye contact with his wife across the kitchen table one evening. They stared at each other for a moment before each looking away. Neither said a thing.


End file.
